" The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind.
The kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday ... "
I'm writing from France today. Not my usual location. This morning I am sitting in a rocking chair beside a woodburner with a damp misty fog covering the farmland outside. It is roughly one year on from the date I first came here, helping my brother, Alexander, and his family to move in to their new home.
I reread Baz Luhrmann's lyrics to the song 'Wear sunscreen' this morning ...
" The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind. The kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday ... "
It was a Thursday around 7pm when my sister called to tell me that my brother, Simon had been rushed into hospital in Bristol and was currently undergoing an operation in the Intensive Care Unit to drain the swelling on his head caused by a brain bleed.
I was sitting in the lounge with a cup of tea, unwinding from a good but draining day. Having returned home tired but satisfied after setting up a birthday table for my boss, with cards & presents, a huge chocolate fudge cake baked by one of the kids and a scattering of bright colourful balloons hanging from the ceiling. I left content that what lay ahead for the family I work for was an evening of birthday celebrations with everything put together and placed in the right place as far as I could control.
When my sister called it was a Thursday and not a Tuesday, and to be honest although it was a situation that had never crossed my mind, I wasn't completely surprised.
My brother is a single Dad raising an eleven year old daughter. He is divorced and alone in his position as sole care giver and provider. Not something very different from a million other homes where single parents soldier on and do a very good job of it. But for my brother with the constant strain of a highly demanding job, his own driven personality and a few other lifestyle choices, it was inevitable that we were heading for a health crash at some point.
After years of living on adrenaline, a recent conflict had left my brother with soaring blood pressure and a brain bleed that had started with a headache and progressed over a few days into a full blown brain haemorrhage. Being like most of us he didn't act on the symptoms immediately and it was only after 4 days that his daughter and stepson managed to persuade him of the seriousness of the situation and call in the ambulance.
An overnight operation, a few phone calls later. And so it was that the family machine rolled in to action.
My sister, Katharine was on the scene with her husband almost immediately. Ex wife and stepsons came as soon as they could. My cousin Julian, who has been like a third brother through different seasons of our lives was next to arrive. My other brother, Alexander flew in from France and landed at Gatwick airport, from where I drove with him over to Bristol. We have a very large extended family and not for the first time in my life I was grateful that Mum and Dad had four children. How different this situation would be if there were only 2 of us.
( Mon frère Simon, moi et mon frère Alexander)
' Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future ...' Baz Luhrmann
Over the days and fortnight that unfolded, we talked to many doctors and made notes after talking with specialists. We met so many kind nurses. We sat at my brother's side, held his hand, massaged his feet. We read to him, we prayed over him. We brought in old photos and made cards and generally brightened up his bedside area. We watched him come out of his sleeping state and open his eyes. He regained his physical movement but his mind was confused and it soon became clear that he was unable to remember the last week and possibly month of his life.
We fed the hamster, fed the fish, washed his clothes. Carted our weary bodies up and down the motorway. Tried to contain the growing mental exhaustion and control the uncontrollable.
We wondered if we could have prevented this crisis. Were we to blame for not stepping in earlier and addressing the situation?
Last weekend Alexander & I found ourselves at a local pub taking a rest break in the middle of on one long car journey. Standing in line to order a drink after a particularly gruelling day we were at the point of exhaustion where we couldn't even decide what we wanted to order. A hot drink or cold drink? We stood staring blankly at the man behind the bar, unable to answer his simple question. Beer or wine? Water or juice? Tea or coffee? No reply. We stared vacantly at the ceiling.
This was followed with me putting the wrong kind of petrol in the car. Premier Unleaded instead of simple Unleaded. Not a major crisis, just a minor tweak for the simple Japanese car engine. I tried to pay with my debit card upside down and it took the kind lady behind me in the line to point out my mistake. " It can happen to any of us. " She laughed. " Early start. Not enough coffee? "
'You have no idea,' I thought, 'my brother is in hospital with a hole in his head, a soaring temperature and no short term memory.' I just agreed with her, thanked her for her kindness and moved on.
A day later Alexander and I found ourselves trawling down supermarket aisles gawping open mouthed at cereal boxes, unable to decide on what we needed to buy to restock the larder. In a moment of craziness we bought a diary that starts in July 2019 thinking we could put important dates like doctors appointments and our nieces school calendar details into it. It was only when we unpacked our shopping that we saw how useless our diary was going to be. Here we were in April and our diary started in July!
A break was needed and that is how I ended up here in France. Writing this latest blog.
( Ma souer Katharine et George )
So we left my sister holding the fort. Who knows what the future holds? It could be months or years of rehab. We have decisions to make about who is best able to take care of my brother when he is allowed to return home. We have my brother's mortgage to check is paid and credit card bills and a million other things that need sorting out when a single dad is suddenly no longer able to mentally navigate through the jigsaw pieces of life.
We are so grateful for the NHS and the fact we aren't about to be surprised by a huge bill for medical expenses. In the first week Simon had a nursing member of staff at his side 24/7. For a whole week in Intensive Care we watched the doctors making huge decisions every minute, always there in the ICU wards, never leaving, practically living on site. Machines ticked, specialists were called, drugs were administered, men and women served my brother every hour of the day and night. The NHS is an amazing treasure and one we should be very proud of.
And to the huge network of prayer warriors who swung into action when the alarm was called. Thank -you. Although it feels like our lives are out of control at the moment, we know who holds our future and we know who holds us safely in the palm of His hand.
For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord. Thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you a hope in your final outcome.
Jeremiah 29 : 11
"Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God." Corrie Ten Boom.