I have been quiet for a few weeks. I decided to remain hidden for a season. Resting in the shadows. You may not realise it but although I love writing, I feel the energy it takes from me when I post something for the public to read. A little piece of my heart is open to being trampled on and sometimes I would rather hide and not be known.
I was rereading some of my prayer journals recently and reminded myself that the Lord told me that I have a job to do ...
Psalm 107: 2 Let the redeemed of the Lord 'tell their story !! ' ( my translation - the actual word is 'say so.')
Since my method of telling stories is by writing them out, this blog is my way of fulfilling that Psalm. It is important to share stories of daily struggles and victories.
I have also been propelled out of my complacency by the fact we are now in July and there is something big on the horizon in August! In rereading my journals I was reminded of something which has been slowly working its way into reality over the past months.
" The land of the Giants and the city that Mothers the world is being realigned. "
While the days and months have passed and I have been buried in my daily life, these words have gone out and been at work. Behind the scenes the cog wheels have been turning and we have been marching towards some major changes in our country. Although in the natural we are in the summer months when the pace of living slows down. Everyone relaxes and enjoys the summer holidays. We are not really thinking about change or achieving anything too gigantic. Life can be a little listless. It feels like not that much is going on.
But think again.
'There is an inheritance that has been locked up in Great Britain that is currently being released that will bless the whole world. There will be a physical shaking of houses in London as a sign.'
I bet that surprised you like it did me when I reread it this morning. I'm so glad I write things down and tie dates to them. It keeps me accountable and reminds me that I am not wandering aimlessly through life.
I read these words this morning and they shook me awake. I am excited about something big that will be happening in the next couple of months. I think it will break something and release something that has been held back until this point in history. I won't say any more. Keep your eyes and ears open and don't fall asleep! When the news tells you that there has been some shaking of houses then don't be alarmed. Things are about to get very interesting. I promise to revisit these words in September and reflect on how this has unfolded.
This morning I was thinking about what this inheritance that Great Britain holds could be and how it will be released. I was also thinking about my personal inheritance. I was thinking about families. I was thinking about nations. I was thinking about eternity.
There are many things that I could never have foreseen happening in the past few months, my brothers' season in hospital being one of them. There is a huge background story to my brothers incident starting all the way back in our teenage years. It has been interesting for me to personally map the years and the events that led us to March 28th 2019 when my brother entered Intensive Care with a brain bleed.
Today, 4th July 2019 Simon is still in hospital. He had a set back a few weeks ago when his speech became slurred and his right hand curled inward. A second operation was necessary. He either had an infection and inflammation in the brain or the spinal chord fluid in his brain was not draining correctly due to scar tissue. Whichever it was, he is now back on the road to recovery.
On Tuesday I visited and we sat and chatted about the future. He was scared of being out of control. I reminded him he is already far beyond being out of control. His life is in Gods hands. I saw the familiar look of doubt in his eyes. Simon has been a doubter for a very long time. It is a point of contention between us. Then I caught the glimpse of hope that maybe, just maybe this God might exist, He might be for real and He might just be good. But really, it cannot be true ... the reasoning mind then pushes this thought aside. I see the doubt creeping back in. God cannot be good. If He is good where is He in my mess? Why did He not stop this happening? I fight back Simons doubt with my own hope. I remind Simon of my arm and the miracle of my own healing of a damaged nerve. I remind Him that God is not deaf and He is not distant. I see the hope rising again. I see the light slowly pushing back the muddled foggy thinking. Could it really be true that Simon is held in the hands of a mighty powerful glorious God?
I lean over and kiss Simon's hands and his forehead. 'Oh how He loves us.' If only we frail human beings realised how true this song lyric is. We really have nothing to fear.
There is no fear in love, dread does not exist, but full grown complete, perfect love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror. 1 John 4: 18
One thing I have learnt from Simons' lengthy stay in hospital is that Doctors are doing a lot of guess work most of the time. They are highly trained professionals but to be honest, the body is such a wonderfully designed complex system that they are barely touching the surface in their knowledge of how it is balanced. I have watched Simons body respond negatively to fear & to stress, infection invades and swelling occurs. Words of accusation and condemnation bring a raised temperature and blood pressure. On the other hand I have watched my brothers body respond positively to peace & rest. He flourishes when he remembers he is loved.
I remind him as often as I can that his only job is to guard his peace and rest. The Lord will fight for him. Exodus 14:14.
My brother is fragile and scared. He is fighting to regain control. He is humbled and trying to regain his dignity. I touch the scar on his skull and the soft thick hair that surrounds it and I feel incredible love for my brother. I know this is more than sibling love. What I am feeling is the Fathers' heart for His beloved child.
On Sunday I felt the same emotion but for a totally different individual. I had arrived at church grumpy and low. In the concourse area I saw an old friend. A gentleman in his 80's. He was sitting alone in a solitary chair by the door waiting for his wife to park the car. We have known each other for decades, our lives crossing paths through the church communities we have belonged to. Seasons in the same church. Seasons apart. But for now we are together again.
I pulled up a chair beside him, sat down and held his hand. I did it because I was lonely and I needed a friend. We talked about Cornwall and the holiday that will be spent down there in a couple of weeks time. I felt comforted to not be alone making my way through the crowded concourse. This man and this chair were a temporary anchor. A place to rest and feel safe. To feel I am needed. To feel that I belong.
I felt compassion for a man whose body is failing slowly. The skin on his hands is papery and yellow now. He is losing height as his spine slowly compresses. Sometimes he comes out with the best jokes but today he looked weak. He is returning to his childlike state. Living a simple life without much responsibility. Loving his wife and just being.
In sitting with my brother and with my elderly friend I have felt such moments of kindness and hope. Moments when I glimpse the spirit inside the body. Moments when I sense how incredibly beautiful humanity is in God's eyes.
I see how sickness and old age humble us all. Our bodies are truly made of dust. They are temporary tents we dwell in. Such a tiny span of time will be spent inside these crumbling vessels in the light of eternity.
I think of my brothers frustration and anger. His desire to regain control. I think of how restricted we are by our bodies and how shocked we are when they let us down. We presume to be super human because inside we catch a glimpse that we are made in Gods image. We vaguely recognise that we are designed by a Genius. We are masterfully woven together. We are destined for greatness. Something in us recognises that there has to be more and that is what frustrates us. Our desire for the eternal.
He also has planted eternity in men's hearts and minds. Ecclesiastes 3:11
And in our internal battles and in our frailty we forget that we are loved. We forget that this is not our body, it is His. We forget that He is in control and He is good.
We all need reminding that we are the beloved ones, the children of His dreams. We are the treasure He loves the most. We are His inheritance. The most beautiful creatures to walk planet earth.
