“ The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
The quote above resonates for me because I can identify with the sentiment that it takes life, it takes living through stuff, it takes struggle and defeat to bring us to a place of chiseling gold out of the murky depths of our hearts. I sometimes think this when I am fasting and not eating for a day or two. In those moments when I hate myself for being irritated, angry, hungry and grumpy I remember that fasting it like chiselling away at the lumpy pieces of my soul. It knocks the hard edges off. It exposes my meanness and if I ask for help the nasty stuff is exposed, acknowledged and the kindest person I know gets to work on pruning me.
I used to regularly keep my eye on a South African website: missmoss.co.za because I found inspiration there. Whether it was photos of the interiors of a creative house or a vibrant unusual fashion label.
The owner of that particular website has been busy raising two children and there has not been much to look at recently but a while ago this photography of an older lady (Rene Houghey) caught my attention. Click on photo below for a link to the original post on Miss Moss.
Photo Credit : WAIF & SELFI
I find the photo above both striking and beautiful. And in many ways I identify with it. Inside I feel weary but radiant. Pruned and sculpted by what life has thrown at me.
I am about to have my brother to stay with me this weekend for the first time since he entered hospital over 5 months ago. At the beginning of this epic season in Simon's life I was just battling for him to stay alive and put on some weight. When everything finally settled down after about 3 months in hospital the battle changed. Then I was battling the weekly commute to go and visit him in Bristol. The desire to quit and not show up. The endless hours and miles spent alone in my car.
The next battle was the 2 or 3 weeks we had waiting for a place at the Brain Injury Rehabilitation Unit to become available. It felt like every day still in hospital was a day lost when he could be getting better more specialised treatment. At this point in recovery with Simon's increased physical wellness and alertness, every day he woke in his sanitised unit to see the same 4 walls, to face a full day with no routine, no work, no activity. We organised a rota of visitors so that he would have someone visiting every day but most guests would not stay beyond a 3 hour visit. That still left the majority of the day empty.
A whole day in a hospital room was mind numbingly boring for Simon so he would leave the hospital and take himself for a walk around the area. I was always afraid he might just decide not to return. To give up on waiting for a place at rehab. To go AWOL or end up getting into an accident because he is still not 100% well and not always able to weigh up risks when around traffic.
When the place at BIRU was finally released I was struggling again. This time it was with my own false expectations that once he was in rehab it would all be easy going. He would get the help he needed and would be back to normal in a few weeks. His days would be filled with activity. We would be able to rest and watch him get well.
But that isn't the case. He has now been in BIRU for about a month and is still struggling with his inability to remember recent events and his internal boredom. He does have lots of therapy sessions and activity but there are still hours and hours of day to fill when he is restless.
Simon has his battles and so do I. With time the issues I am challenged with change. Most recently my struggle has been the battle to faithfully show up and to be more than a dutiful sister but to be a true friend to my brother. A friend who is present, a friend who is interested, a friend who is a companion. A friend who is true.
This is not easy, we were never that close and our worlds are very different. I am an introvert and thrive on my inner world of reflection. Simon is an extrovert who thrives on company and activity and socialising. His ability to relate to people and his conversation skills are amazing. I tire around crowds. He thrives on the energy of other people.
All in all our friendship is not a natural fit.
I want there to be some quick easy answers. A sudden renewal of my brothers brain tissue so that he can recall recent events easily. A correction in the brain function that causes him to write SNES instead of SHARON. I wish he would stop saying he has nothing to do and he is bored. I want him to not need entertaining. To have an ability to find things to do to pass the time. To read a book. To go for a walk. To paint a picture.
What I am really saying is that I want him to be more like me which is an arrogant thing to do. He will always be a very different person to me.
But I am excited about this weekend. It is a milestone and a victory. My brother is finally allowed to spend his weekends outside an institution and with family and friends. He gets to sleep in a normal bed. He gets to be in a house without alarms and nursing staff and disinfected floors. He gets to be in a home. My home !
My home. My life. And my church. Yes, after 5 long months of asking God to heal him, here he is. Alive and well. Simon means 'the Lord has heard' and He has.
Behold, the Lord's hand is not shortened at all, that it cannot save, nor His ear dull with deafness, that it cannot hear. Isaiah 59: 1
And I am feeling like all that chiselling away at my hard heart, all of that digging for gold has been worth while. I have some pieces of new and true beauty inside me because of Simon. I know I have faced very little compared to Simon himself so I guess he will come out the winner with huge amounts of beauty worked into him.
He has beautified and glorified you. Isaiah 60:9
Simon & Peter my brother - in - law.
“ The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross