FEBRUARY - 50th Birthday

Advice to my younger self & the meaning of life!

Photo Credit - Jamie Beck - jamiebeck.co

A Winter lockdown birthday which fell on Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent and a period of fasting. My 50th was about as far removed from the dream as can be imagined. Covid had dictated that we were under strict high level restrictions. Told to stay at home and stay safe and not mix with anyone. No chance for a big riotous party or even a small dinner party.

The weather was dismal. It was a grey wintery week of drizzling rain & low light levels.

And to top it all I received a huge electricity bill of over £500. I have never received such a big bill before. This was a bill for one months electricity use! Dated: January 16th 2021 until February 16th 2021. I double checked the readings and the dates. I mean, it was not like I was even remotely warm in the previous month. My flat had never reached temperatures above 17 degrees during the day. I was forced to wrap myself in multiple blankets and permanently carry a hot water bottle around. The snow dump I wrote about in the last January blog was beautiful to play in but that cold spell didn't come without a huge heating cost.

Could it get any worse? This was not the 50th I had imagined.

Photo Credits - Oddur Thorinsson & Loseley Park

You'd think I might be on the edge of a great depression at this point. I did shed a tear or two over that very huge electricity bill & I did feel down about not having a party for my 50th.

Fortunately there were multiple bottles of Champagne to console me, stocked in the freezing cold kitchen - and a beautiful fresh bunch of flowers to cheer me up, sent via my sister. Flowers & Champagne do very well in Arctic conditions!

I do live at the most beautiful & spectacular home but £500 on a monthly electricity bill is too high a price to pay. There will be a solution to this problem and I will keep on looking until I find it. The heating is turned off and I am using blankets and hot water bottles to get me through the tail end of this winter season.

So my 50th was not the one I wanted.

However it was not all negative. I asked for perfume for my birthday and it arrived. There was a cake and company which did indeed break a few of the Covid rules. Sorry.

Since I had spent the previous year contemplating what the actual biblical Jubilee year looks like - reaching this milestone was not as bad as expected. After a whole year of rest and contemplation I had been living in the overflow of peaceful contentment for the past 12 months.

It is expected that at 50 we will stop and evaluate having reached the half way mark. What have I achieved? How far have I climbed the ladder? Am I a success? Am I fulfilled? What is the point of it all? Why am I here? What would I tell my younger self?

To many it may look like I have reached 50 with very little to show for it.

I don't own a house I can hand on to children but I do have a great home I am constantly sharing with others.

I don't have children but I do have a family I belong to.

I don't have a huge income but I have enough to meet the bills, even the unexpected winter electricity bills!

But what about the real stuff. The long lasting stuff. The legacy?

I won't take anything with me when I go but the people I've impacted and the degree to which I've lived in love and given that love away. I live with my eyes on the future after I have departed. My aim is to invest in eternity. This has led me down the path of fine tuning myself, being faithful in the areas I have been assigned authority. Working on my character and knowing myself.

People are everything. Relationships and friendships are what it is all about.

According to one long term ongoing Harvard study - it is the quality of relationships you have at aged 50 that will determine your health at aged 80 not your cholesterol levels.

And as far as advice to my younger self goes, here it is ....

Don't grow up too fast. Enjoy your freedom as a teenager and young adult. Those first twenty years are precious, don't rush them. Fill them with discovery. Stay curious. Remain Childlike. There are always things to learn. Never stop learning.

Take more risks. Failure is not fatal, learn lessons by making mistakes. You are very unlikely to know who you are and what you want to do with your life in your teen years. Don't stress about it. Find something you love doing and do it well.

Don't mess with your hair or eyebrows too much. Look after your teeth. If they need straightening get them straightened. It will be easier to keep them clean and you can wear a smile every day. Don't over brush them. You will wear down your gums and enamel. Enjoy your elastic youthful skin, you will miss it when it when you reach 50. Wear suncream & protect your face and neck from too much sun damage. Expensive face creams are just clever marketing. Cocoa butter smells great and is fine to apply to your face as well as your body.

Don't exercise too hard. Walking is sufficient. Don't wear your body out with over excessive activity. Your knees, ankles and hip bones can only take so much!

Wear high heels to parties while you are young and your feet can take it. Wear lots of colour and extravagant dresses. There will be more than enough time for monotone clothing and wearing jeans every day when you are older. The number of parties you go to will decrease and the number of occasions you get to dress up will reduce. Make the most of dressing up while you can.

Balance believing in yourself & trusting your instincts with not taking yourself too seriously. True humility is not silent or proud & diminished but living with insight into who you really are. Don't take counsel from people unless they have lived through stuff and experienced failure themselves. People are full of opinions. Mostly judgemental and ungracious. Trust the person who says 'I don't know & I've made mistakes.' Be very wary of journalists and critics. They tend to be very self righteous.

Try skipping down the road when your heart is heavy. Skipping always makes me feel ridiculous and my concerns fall away.

Give yourself permission to celebrate more often. Drink more Champagne. Eat butter. Your brain is 70% fat and needs healthy fats to operate. Steer clear of margarine. Chemistry reveals that water and oil don't mix. It takes weird mechanisms to hold them in a solid state together. Eat more dirt. Don't wipe out your inner immunity by sanitising your life with too much cleanliness or destroy your natural resistance with antibiotics. Choose unpasteurised, unradiated products whenever possible.

Watch out for reduced fat food items, they are loaded with sugar and weird chemicals.

Sugar is like poison, take in too much and it surpresses your immune system for hours while your body throws insulin at it to break it down. Limit how much you take in. Eat real home cooked food with at least 3 proper meals a day. Diets don't work.

It is not too late for most things. This is just a lazy thought. You can learn a new language. You can learn to play the piano. You can fix that broken relationship. You can even have children past your child bearing years. Just look at how many children Heidi Baker has! There are always solutions. Keep your heart open.

Take your days off seriously. Work out of a place of resting well. Some towns in Austria sound a siren on Friday afternoon calling everyone to lay down their tools & go home for the weekend and rest. The French take a lengthy lunch break. Don't live frazzled and exhausted from one desperate holiday to another.

Avoid anxiety and stress at all costs. Imagine a shoe lace with a frazzled end which is quickly untangling, that is what your inner health looks like when you are anxious. Your inner peace dissolves and your body will lose balance and be open to break down. A peace filled life is like a solid shoe lace ending. It is strong and resilient and able to fulfil its role well.

You will know what's going on internally by your digestion. Pay attention to your body. Nerves will show up as diarrhoea or constipation. You have a nervous system & emotions that are tied to your digestive system. Butterflies are felt in the stomach not the head.

That is why it is important to live truthfully. Internal conflict, lying to yourself and to others is exhausting. Don't do it. Know that you are not compromised morally and you will flourish.

Learn from life and don't get too uptight about institutionalised education - i.e: school & University. School will teach you maths but not about real living costs, mortgages, debt management. School will tell you about biology but not about how to really flourish in your body, in your internal mind and in your relationships. School won't help you deal with conflict and failure but will feed you excessive information on success. Learn to fail and learn the lessons failure brings. Learn to have conflict, disagree, fight well and think for yourself.

Don't get too anxious about exams and degrees. You will forget most of the details of the information you are trying so hard to learn in your teen and early adult years.

Think for yourself. Just because something is in print does not make it true. Buy real books and write your thoughts in the margins. Rip out pages that are poorly written. Don't accept things just because they come in professional packaging.

Get a job as soon as you can and learn on the job. You don't need University unless it leads directly into a guaranteed job like being a Doctor or engineer. Don't be deceived into thinking you need the University experience to grow through the social life it offers. Move into a shared house and you will experience all the social lessons you need.

Learn to ride a bike & ride it often. Go wild swimming at every opportunity, fresh water and salt water are a million miles away from chlorine saturated water and you will never look back. Swim naked if allowed. There is something magical about the unplumbed depths, the flooding icy needles of cold water pricking at bare skin, the rush of endorphins. Trail in the mossy darkness. Cool wild water swimming is the most delicious tonic for the mind. You will feel dizzyingly grateful to be alive.

Get outdoors as often as you can. Hike, camp & take as many picnics as you can. There is nothing like sleeping under the stars. Being serenaded by the night sky and dawn chorus is good for your soul.

Value a few really good strong friendships and invest in them. You don't need more than a handful of great deep friendships and a dozen outer friendships. It gets too tiring trying to keep up with too many more. Friendships can change with different seasons in life and different countries and jobs. Don't worry, you will leave friendships behind and form new ones. This is natural and healthy. Don't try and hold onto what is hard to keep alive.

Balance ambition with contentment. Climbing the career ladder may lead you to the top of the mountain where you will be shocked to find that there is nothing up there and you are no happier than you were down at the bottom of the mountain.

Live within your financial means. Live off 70% of your income and invest, save and give the rest away. Money is a terrible boss. Don't be tricked into chaining yourself to debt.

Travel loads but know when to stop & put down roots. Every move is a step backwards in community & belonging.

However there are always new friends and new experiences that will deeply enrich your life when you travel. Learn how to do things differently by living in another culture for a season in your life. Living in America will help you be positive, generous & hopeful. Living in Africa will teach you about joy.

Reflecting on it, I would say Africa is the one continent where I have felt truly alive. It is a spiritual thing - you will feel it when you land on African soil. Death is very real & tangible in Africa which makes life even more vibrant. There is an acknowledgement and understanding of the spirit world in Africa.

In contrast, flying in to London is like entering a suffocating oppressive atmosphere. Hundreds of years of war - mongering, greed & empire building are heavily laid down in our foundations. You can't continue to sell weapons of warfare to fund your economy and expect your country to feel morally healthy. The British culture & lifestyle is not the best and needs challenging. Get out there and learn from the world.

Asian & African culture will show you the value of community and family. You will realise how self centred our Western culture is and how much value we place on capitalism. Spend a season in Italy and soak in the beauty. Learn from Italian & French women how to dress elegantly & stylishly. Some of the most balanced Europeans are Scanadanaivian.

Do things that scare you and get out of your comfort zone. Mix with different people and different age groups and learn from them. Be part of a multicultural community.

If you are in England go to the Goodwood Revival at least once in your life.

Woman are supposed to be able to multi task. I am not one of them. I find myself fragmented and weary when I focus on more than one thing at a time. I need to focus and pour all of my energy into one thing at a time. Do one thing at a time.

I find the internet draining. I cannot handle too much information and decision making at once. Limit your time online to a couple of hours a day. Don't accept a job that requires hours and hours on a computer. Buy an ink pen and write your friends hands written letters.

Find a great church and play your part. From this you will find shelter and a covering over your life which will keep out the rain. I personally need emotion and a tangible sense of God's presence in church. Some places are so boring even God left the building. I can be quiet and live in solitude. I don't have a problem with being silent or reverent. But I do love a church that is spilling over with happiness. An exuberant church. Don't be afraid of emotion. A church where there are signs and wonders and miracles. These things do exist. There is no denying the miracle of the healed nerve in my left hand.

Don't try and do it alone. There is no perfect church. Just get over your judgements and join in.

Procrastination steals time and holds you captive. It is an area I struggle with but regret entertaining so frequently.

Believe that you are valuable & loved & your life matters. You are here because who you are is needed. Focus more on being than doing.

Facts change but truth is eternal. Life is always changing. Embrace change but hold onto a foundation in truth which is unchanging. There is truth out there. Read the book ( Bible) and get to know it inside out.

Families are never normal. There are now more varieties of blended families than ever before. Fostering and adoption are just as relevant as having your own children. There is no such thing as an illegitimate child - just an illegitimate parent. Step families can be more resilient and healthy than the over idolised 'traditional' family. Be open to a multitude of combinations of family.

If things are tough, hold on, don't let go, just keep moving forward one step at a time. Everything works out for your good in the end. If its not good yet, then you are not at the end.

God will take you home when He & you are ready. If you or someone you love leaves this life too early - don't blame God.

Yes, there is an enemy and he does want to rob you of your life. He is brilliantly deceitful. If he can isolate you and play tricks with your mind he will.

If he can get you to believe he doesn't exist - he has succeeded. You can't tackle something you don't believe in. If he can get you to doubt the goodness of God he can keep you for himself. He will steal anything good he can from your life. He will plant toxic thoughts, strife, resentment, misunderstanding. Watch out. He exists and he is not your friend.

Hell is not a great party where all the rebels get to indulge in pleasure. He is LYING. It is lengthy prolonged torment. It is bullying thoughts and life stripping, crippling fear. The kind that shuts you down and immobilises you. It is the worst kind of never ending regret that cycles on and on and never ceases. It is energy sapping relentless shame & heavy guilt. Feeling trapped with no way out. Hopeless & futile. Rottenness & corruption. It is the deep festering wound of betrayal. Being abandoned by others. Rejection. It is deep sad loneliness. Separation. Isolation. We are wired to belong, to matter, to connect with others. There is none of that in hell. It is a parched thirst with no water to drink. It is empty, futile, meaninglessness - which is basically what our secular society is.

The worst day of Jesus life was not the cross. It is yet to come. It will be the day He has to turn people away from heaven because they chose to reject Him. That will hurt Him more than crucifixion. Especially as it is so unnecessary and it will be your choice. He never violates your free will.

Having said all that, don't fear the devil. He is just a worm with a huge megaphone. Which gets me onto the subject of the media. Be careful how much news you watch. It is toxic and will drag you into a pit of despair. Most of the news industry is his advertising mouthpiece.

Angels are real, as are demons. Always remember 2 thirds are still good, only one third rebelled. You can silence & cast out demons if you carry the authority given in Christ. Fictional heroes want that authority but don't carry it. You cannot overcome evil forces if you are Harry Potter, Spider Man, a Vampire or a robotic superhuman who has 'super powers.' Witches, witch doctors, wizards and sorcerers do exist. I have dealt with tangible curses left on my doorstep and demons - they are nothing to fear.

A curse underserved doesn't settle. You are clean & forgiven in Jesus. Why settle for psychic readings, spells, curses and a lesser power when Jesus is the ultimate super power as far as spiritual authority goes?

I don't believe that you get to recycle your life over and over again. and who wants to anyway? That would be miserable. One wrong move and you are back down at the bottom of the ladder. A constant working on improving yourself and building up good 'karma' credit sounds like hell to me. Seasons as an ant or a tiger? Really? Forget spirit animals. You are a beautiful human made in God's image. Don't step down from that.

As you can see, I don't believe in reincarnation. I also don't believe in 'ghosts'. You don't get to float around and give messages to the living once you have left. Yes there are sightings from the spirit world. There is the realm of angels and demons. There are spirits but they are not the dead returning to haunt us. You don't have permission to float between heaven & earth.

The spirit world is very real.

Don't aspire to become an angel or a star when you die. That is a step down. You were made in God's image. You are glorious. You were made to judge angels. Don't undervalue the incredible authority you have as a human.

Always remember you are first of all a spirit in a body with a soul. That's why you will always feel young inside, younger than your external age. You were made for eternity which is why death offends and wounds us so greatly.

Death is only a doorway into eternity. Make sure you take the right exit when you die. If you kept God out of your life on earth, don't expect to be welcomed into His home when you leave this planet. No excuses. Make the effort to find Him and don't put off knowing Him - you are only robbing yourself of a good thing.

Science has not disproved God.

Evolution is still a theory & not a proven fact. I studied it at University. Trust me.

Do some research and you will see that only fools say there is no God. The deeper you dig, the more certain you will become that science actually proves there is an intelligent designer in the Universe.

Don't mix the two up - God & the devil. Most things you hate are nothing to do with God.

i.e : - Arrogant self righteous religious fundamentalists, Racism, Poverty, Cancer, Covid 19, Dementia & every other form of vile Disease.

Which gets me onto a list of things I am deeply suspicious of & dislike intensely: -

The greedy aggressive advertising industry, militant self righteous ungracious Feminism, the 'Nanny State' Great Britain = endless red tape written in tiny small print to hide simple truth & honesty, the Atomic bomb, Hand Grenades, deceitful Pension Schemes - gambling dressed up as investment.

Human Trafficking, Drug lords, the unclean Media giant and Porn industry, Corrupt Regimes. Drought, Barbed Wire, Tooth decay, Landmines, men's Urinals, Loan sharks - some might call them banks!

Be responsible for your own mistakes & don't blame God for humanities mistakes or the thief's work.

There is such a thing as sin, stop pretending our intellectual arrogance will dig us out of the mess we find ourselves in as a human race.

'Sin' is a very negative religious word with huge misunderstanding around it. But take sin for what it is - a diversion from the plan. A lesser state of being. A rebellion. A foolish choice. A separation from God.

Sin is its own punishment. The result will always hurt more than the pleasure. We think we know better than God, but in the end sin was never meant to be part of our living and will kills us.

The word 'repentance' is another religious word that is very negative. It does not mean sack cloth and ashes. All it means is 'to change your mind.' Science shows that our brains are plastic. You can change your mind and your thought patterns.

Neuroplasticity shows that toxic thoughts lead to poor health and negative soul repercussions. Change your mind. Repent. Rip out your toxic thoughts and replace them with healthy ones.

Your brain is the battle field. Think great thoughts and you will flourish. Believe lies and you will experience dis - ease.

Wholeness with nothing broken, nothing missing, nothing incomplete is possible. It is called Shalom in the Hebrew or Peace in English. It is found in 'the Prince of Peace.' A person, not a state of mind.

Again, for more great thoughts read The Book, it is full of the mind of a genius.

Never mix religion & religious activity with a real relationship with God. The former kills, the latter is life in abundance. When Jesus introduces you to His Father in heaven, it should be as an intimate friend, not a distant - hardly ever seen or talked to relative. If you were ashamed of Him on earth it will be hard to look Him in eye when you meet Him face to the face in heaven.

Well actually, you probably won't look Him in the eye anyway. We will all be face down in awe. He is too majestic and glorious to behold for very long. And don't worry, spending eternity worshipping & loving Him won't be monotonous, boring or hard. Just trust me on that one. He has a great sense of humour. He is sticky like honey, getting all over you with warm dripping acceptance and love. You are loved completely and utterly. He knows you inside out and longs to draw you near to His heart & into His arms.

If you felt like He was distant and unknowable, you misunderstood Him. He gave you a brain to ask questions and to seek out the truth. Use it!

He is knowable. He is good. He will not force His way into your life. Count it a huge privilege if He reveals himself to you. He trusts you & this is a gift never to be taken for granted.

He and I make a majority wherever we go and we are always together. His authority outweighs all others. He always has the resources. He is the most connected person I know. He can set you up with anyone and anything.

And finally - I know I have written loads and it is hard to take it all in. If you remember just two pieces of advice from all of the above, take these the most seriously ....

Life on earth will pass in the blink of an eye & is simply training for your eternity. Don't miss out on being loved by the BEST LOVER OF ALL. Make sure you understand how loved you are as soon as you can. Don't hurt yourself & waste time being distant with God. I have loved Jesus all my life, from the very first days I can remember being alive. As a child I talked to Jesus. He was always there. I never knew life without Him. I'VE NEVER REGRETTED LETTING HIM LOVE ME.

And go wild swimming - naked if possible. However dark the world looked before a swim, it will look fantastic afterwards.

1971 - 2021 & onwards - to be continued!